The Game Dame™

Do you have a horrid date story you’re just aching to tell? Then you’re in luck. Today Vivendi Games Mobile announced an online contest in Europe to support the recent launch of Leisure Suit Larry¬Æ: Love for Sail. You can post your “Worst Date Ever” story on the Leisure Suit Larry: Love for Sail Myspace page for a chance to win a Wii. Vivendi Games Mobile will choose one winner from the UK, France, Germany, Italy and Spain to receive a Wii system.

The contest is open to anyone 15 or older residing in France or the United Kingdom or anyone 18 or older residing in Germany, Italy or Spain. If you don’t meet the requirements but you have a bad date story worth sharing, post it here! I don’t have a Wii to give you, but it’ll be fun anyway. I’ll start…

MY WORST DATE EVAAAA:
I was in high school. Joey* picked me up in his dad’s Mustang and proceeded to drive me around residential streets at about 70 miles an hour to show off. It was cold, and we stopped off at a coffee shop for cappuccinos. He didn’t understand how to drink his (think Belgian Dip) and got it all over his face. That could’ve been a cute, bonding moment, but he got all pissed off about it. So when we left, he drove even faster. I thought we were going to crash.

I suggested we go to a park and chill out. It was late and no one was around. We found a bench and sat and chatted. This could’ve been romantic, but instead, he started chatting about his ex girlfriend, how she’d dumped him and how much he missed being with her. I became his counselor. At this point, a good night kiss was out of the question. (Or so I thought.)

We went back by his house for awhile and we played the “Guess what song this is?!?!” Guitar Game. Guys, please know that girls fucking hate this game. Especially when you don’t know how to play guitar. For those of you unfamiliar with the “Guess what song this is?!?!” Guitar Game, here’s how it works: the guy (or girl) plays a few chords of a popular song and then, beaming, says “Guess what song this is?!?!” If you’re super lucky, you’ll guess right and they’ll be so excited, they’ll put their guitar away. But if you guess wrong or take too long to guess, the game moves to stage 2: “Come on!!! I know you know this!” where the guy (or girl) strums a few more off beat chords that you can’t place and gets increasingly frustrated that you can’t guess what they’re playing. Eventually, they’ll tell you and make fun of you for not knowing music… when in fact, you know the song, and what they were playing didn’t sound anything like it. [PLEASE NOTE: Good guitarists never play that game with dates. They write their own songs and serenade their dates with new tunes. Keep this in mind next time you think that playing the "Guess what song this is?!?!" Guitar Game is a good idea.]

So, a few hundred miserable rounds of “Guess which song this is?!?!” later, it was time for me to get home. Joey decided it was time to brush his teeth and talk to me at the same time. With a mouth full of Colgate foam, he walked into the bedroom and asked “You know what I’m doing?”

“Uhh, brushing your teeth.”

“Ummhmmm.” CHICKACHICKACHICKA (he kept brushing. Foam ran down the corners of his mouth and hit the carpet) “Know why?” (foam bubbled at his lips)

“Umm…”

He spit into the sink.

“Because I want to have fresh breath for our goodnight kiss!”

I thought I was going to puke.

He drove me back home (still at 70 MPH) and walked me to the door. I gave him a hug. I knew he was going to try to kiss me. I was prepared to give him the cheek. But he grabbed my face with both hands and shoved a Colgate-covered tongue down my throat. I gagged. He was saying something when I closed the door, but I’m not sure what. I never talked to him again.

So, here are the morals of my Worst Date Ever story:

Driving your date around at 70 mph is not as cool as you think.
Don’t get pissy if you don’t understand how to do something. Either let your date teach you how and bond over it, or do some Google research before you try something new (i.e. sushi).
NEVER play the “Guess what song this is?!?!” Guitar Game. EVER.
Don’t brush your teeth in front of your date.
And finally… make sure your date is interested in a kiss before you attack her/him.

The end. Your turn!

*Joey was not the dude’s real name.